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| AHHHHH IMISSYOUIMISSYOUIMISSYOUIMISSYOUUUUUUU ALREADY and you've only been gone for one day.
I'm sad that you're gonna be away for awhile!!! I feel so glad to have met you this summer though. BUT THENNN why does it feel like this friendship is transient, lasting only til the end of summer?!
I guess I just got so used to seeing you around everywhere, all the time. But when fall hits, it's back to our separate groups of friends.. I'll still see you I guess, but hardly as often. And that makes me sad. Really sad. I'm not sure if my feelings for you are purely friend-like. All i know is that I like hanging out with you and being around you. I like the way your eyes curve when you smile or laugh. I like the way your voice sounds when we're vigorously competing for first place on tetrisfriends at 3:00 in the morning. I like the way you wave happily to me when you see me. I like cooking delicious food with you, and then sitting down to eat it all. I like watching you eat, enjoying the food I make.
why am I feeling this wayyyyy. idkidkidk. I D K.
i'm so confused. ;[
But I want you to hurry back so I can make up my mind already.
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| SUPERFI(SPE)CIAL ♥
So yesterday I visited school for the first time since I graduated. Oh dear, not much had changed.. same old teachers, same old classrooms, same old types of kids but with different names and faces. One thing I couldn't forget, though was one encounter with this girl. It was towards the end of the day, and I was walking in the student parking lot with two of my friends, when all of a sudden, this black car parks right in front of us. A girl dressed in shorts comes out and immediately greets my guy friend with a hug. She then sees me and greets me with a "heyyy!" What strikes me is that we aren't even really that close to begin with.
It all began when I was in the 10th grade? and she was a freshman. Or was I in 11th while she was in 10th? It was so long ago, I don't quite remember. But what happened was that she dated a very close guy friend of mine, one of my best friends, actually. At the time, everyone thought that my friend and I were dating, but we weren't, we were just really close. And I guess the girl felt very insecure and possibly jealous of me? I'm not saying this to flatter myself, because in all honesty, I had absolutely no feelings for my friend except for that of friendship. Nevertheless, this girl would give me awful stares whenever we passed by each other in the hallway, as would her friends. I thought this was pretty pathetic, however, and secretly snickered inside. Oh petty jealousy, there's nothing to even be jealous about! So they eventually broke up, and the years passed, and life moved on.
Now, she gets out of the passenger seats, hops out at us and pretends as if we were the closests friends ever. Then, her friend gets out of the car; he's wearing a nice track jacket and baller shades. He coolly shuts the car door and pretends to be busy with something, not once looking our way.
Let me tell you something, I won't deny that I was guilty of this too. But they're both seniors, they think they know about as much as there is to know in the world. They feel like they run their world. They were skipping class, since they were out and there was still 15 min left before class ended. They guy thought he was so cool driving a girl around in his ballin` ride. And the girl thought that it was cool to know a bunch of "college kids", ones that graduated last year; that's why she was so eager to say hello, regardless of what might have happened in the past. All of this was to show off. To show others that they were cool, that they ran this place.
Looking back, I was guilty of this too. I thought I knew everything there was to know. And I was so sick of high school, I felt so ready for college. But college opened my eyes to a whole new world, one that resembles the real world quite more accurately.
And it also made me realize the superficiality of it all. It may not be as bad as in other high-end high schools, cause my high school was pretty ghetto. But still, it existed. And I realized that being in that superficial environment, even if I tried my best not to be influenced by it, I WAS superficial. And people that I met in college sensed it.. and I've finally come to a realization that I am. But now that I'm conscious of it, I definitely do NOT want to continue living life that way.
I genuinely do care for people, regardless of status, and I now want to take a step towards really investing time into those that God has blessed and surrounded me with, no longer seeking to be part of the crowd that I deem to be cool enough for me. This is something that God's been teaching me the first half of this semester. I tried so hard to integrate myself with certain groups of people, that I eventually disregarded and hurt a few others' feelings, and I was also becoming weary. I had to constantly stretch myself thin in order to balance them. I didn't realize that God had placed people that I least expected to be my friends, or sought least to be friends with, in my life that did not require me to be the one constantly putting in effort.
Though friendships are still developing, they are very promising and God-centered. I am so blessed to have met them and privileged to be their friend. One of them told me, "even if we didn't click or don't click, I'd still listen to you and be here for you, because we're closer than friends; we're sisters in Christ, and that's what I SHOULD do for you."
Look past the superficiality and appreciate my superspecial friends. I love them so much. ♥
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Cause You make all things work together for my good.
(:
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ugh i don't know what i'm doing. i don't know why i did that, why i pushed him away. and now i'm sad that i did, but im too upset and annoyed and tired and busy to fix things. and i have two midterms coming up.
i want to run away. i did run away.
i don't want to come back. ever.
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people drift apart. that's what they do.
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